It’s almost four in the morning and I’m going to write this here, where probably no one will read it.
There’s life out there. Outside these walls, there is an amalgam of things going on, constantly. At all times, there is no shortage of activity and no shortage of places to go, people to meet, things to see. The sun is literally always shedding it’s light on some part of this gigantic earth. Out there, there are parties being held, joints being smoked, televisions being watched, sex being had. These are things that happen the whole world over, yet I don’t even know what’s going on across the street. All I know is, that it’s dull and boring in here, but out there there is life to be lived, and I’m starting to wonder why it is that every goddamned day I find myself asking why it is that I’m still in here, where there is so much to be done out there. Am I being held against my will? Is someone or something stopping me from leaving this boredom infested corner of the world? Or perhaps, maybe I’m just scared.. scared that once I venture past these sacred walls, this thing that is called “life” will not be nice to me. And then I think, so what? Would life even be worth living if there were no downs to go with the ups? No pain for all the pleasures? No sadness for the happiness? I’m inclined to say “no,” but one thing is for sure.. when the almighty, the great magnet, the creator, whatever you would call the force that grants us the gift of life - whenever he bestowed said gift upon me, he did not intend for it to be this utterly meaningless. I have done this to myself, and I continue to accept it. I continue to live a life of monotony, a life on the inside.. I wait for something out there to burst through these walls and yank me out into the world; but this will surely never happen.
I’m faced with the task of acting in a world - a world that I’ve created, mind you - where inaction is the norm. I’m asked to go against the grain and change it all. But.. Will I?
I guess you’ll know soon enough, but not before I do. But god, I hope I do.. The world is far too magnificent to remain as sheltered as I have allowed myself to be. I’ve got to get out of here. I’ve got to experience life. I’ve got to live.