Sitting here, drunk out of my balls, thinking to myself, “I wonder what my cat would say to me if he could talk.”  Then it occurs to me…  He’d say, “Feed me, asshole!  You got drunk and forgot to feed me!”

Fuck, man…  Did I just have a drunken imaginary conversation with my cat?  I think…  I think drinking turns me into an animal psychic!  I’m the fucking cat whisperer, bitch!